Nicole Tau
For many women in Lesotho, the path after childbirth leads not to the corporate boardroom but to the living room floor. Motherhood, a deeply personal and transformative experience, is often seen as a natural extension of a woman’s role, a full-time job that requires immense dedication and sacrifice. Yet, within the walls of our homes, a silent struggle unfolds, the fight for recognition of the invaluable, yet undervalued, labour of stay-at-home mothers.
As a new mom myself, for the second time, I understand the societal perception. In an economy like Lesotho’s, where every working member has to contribute significantly, staying home might seem like a luxury. It is not. This perception fails to grasp the relentless nature of the job. It is a 24/7 commitment, a never-ending cycle of feeding, cleaning, nurturing, and managing a household, all without the traditional benefits or a paycheck.
The invisible workload: Quantifying the unquantifiable
Imagine a job description that reads: “Wanted: Multitasking extraordinaire with boundless patience and the stamina of an ox. Responsibilities include childcare, meal preparation, housekeeping, logistics management, emotional support, and conflict resolution. Experience is preferred, but a nurturing spirit and unwavering love are essential. Salary: None. Benefits: The immense satisfaction of raising tiny humans.”
This, in essence, is the reality of a stay-at-home mom. If we were to translate these responsibilities into a salaried position, how much would it be worth? Studies conducted in developed countries have attempted to quantify this value. In the United States, for example, the estimated annual salary for a stay-at-home Mom can range from $75,000 to $180,000 depending on factors like the number of children and the cost of childcare and housekeeping services.
While a direct comparison for Lesotho might be difficult, considering the average cost of nannies, housekeepers, and cooks, a conservative estimate could place the value of a stay-at-home mom’s work in the range of M97,200 to M224,400 annually. This puts into perspective the immense economic contribution of stay-at-home mothers, a contribution that often goes unnoticed and unappreciated.
Beyond the mess: The emotional toll and lost identity
The physical demands are undeniable. The endless cycle of laundry, dishes, and picking up after little ones can feel like being on a hamster wheel. I often reminisce about my pre-mom days, when cleaning my house once a week felt like a breeze. Now, with a seven-year-old son, and a toddler and a husband, it feels like a constant battle against crumbs, spills, and a seemingly bottomless pit of laundry.
But the physical toll pales in comparison to the emotional strain. The constant “on-duty” status, the sleep deprivation (five hours feels like a luxury these days!), and the lack of adult interaction can chip away at a woman’s sense of self. Sweatpants and messy buns become the norm, a stark contrast to the “cool” and polished versions of ourselves we might have been before motherhood.
More than “unemployed”: Reframing the narrative
The societal pressure to be a working woman adds another layer of complexity. When asked about my occupation, the word “unemployed” often leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. It does not capture the relentless nature of my days, the constant problem-solving, or the emotional labour that goes into raising children.
The truth is, I am far from unemployed. My days are filled with the demanding tasks of motherhood, freelance journalism (which often gets squeezed into the witching hours between midnight and 3 am when my toddler decides sleep), and the never-ending pursuit of professional development. My portfolio boasts not just a university degree but the invaluable experience of raising a child, a skillset that requires resilience, creativity, and an unshakeable love.
Loving my role, yet yearning for more
I love being a Mom. It is truly fulfilling. Nobody makes me smile and laugh as much as my children. They make my heart so happy. My family is incredibly important to me. However, I am still Nicole Tau and I never really imagined myself as a stay-at-home mom. I have goals and pursuits outside of being a mom. But I seem to be swimming against the current as being a hands-on mom is not very welcome in the corporate world. They call it the “motherhood tax,” I believe. So, not only am I competing against men in the labour market, not only against other women, but against single women as well. It’s very unfortunate that employers do not seem to realise what it takes to be a hands-on mother. I miss the office workspace. Compared to being a stay-at-home parent, being at work is a breeze.
Motherhood in Lesotho: Tradition and struggle
In Lesotho, traditional culture deeply influences perceptions of motherhood. Society often revels in the struggles of motherhood, equating a woman’s endurance and sacrifices with her worth. The more a mother takes on, the more she is revered by those around her. This cultural reverence for the role of the mother, however, does not translate into tangible support or recognition.
A woman in Lesotho is often regarded more for her role as a mother than for any other identity. While this might seem like an honour, it comes with a lack of celebration or acknowledgement of the immense effort and emotional labour involved in motherhood. The traditions that demand so much from mothers fail to celebrate the act of mothering itself, leaving many women feeling undervalued and overlooked.
A call for recognition: Valuing the unseen
So, what does it mean to value stay-at-home mothers? It starts with a shift in perspective. We need to move beyond the outdated notion of Motherhood as a leisurely pursuit. It’s a demanding and essential job that deserves recognition, respect, and support.
For policymakers, this might involve exploring childcare subsidies or social programs that acknowledge the economic contribution of stay-at-home mothers. For employers, it could mean implementing flexible work arrangements or offering on-site childcare facilities, easing the transition back to the workforce for mothers who choose to return.
But recognition can also come from our communities and families. A helping hand with household chores, a listening ear for a sleep-deprived mom, or simply acknowledging the immense value of their work can make a significant difference.
Should stay-at-home parents be paid?
According to Oxfam, women reported doing more than three-quarters of unpaid care work globally when compared to men and makeup two-thirds of the paid care workforce. They carry out 12.5 billion hours of unpaid care work every day. When valued at minimum wage, this would represent a contribution to the global economy of at least $10.8 trillion a year.
There is a growing discussion in the U.S. about whether stay-at-home parents, nearly one out of five adults (as of 2018), should be compensated for their roles in the home. According to 2019 data from Salary.com, if you are a stay-at-home parent and paid for your services, you would be looking at a median annual salary of $178,201.
Conclusion
The role of a stay-at-home mom is multifaceted and demanding, requiring a unique set of skills and an unwavering commitment to family. It is high time we recognize and value this unseen labor, offering support and acknowledgment to those who tirelessly nurture the next generation.
